BY: Dr. Prince Oteng-Boateng
When it comes to relationships, the only person you can ever truly change is yourself.As much as you may want your partner to be a certain way, the best way to fix a struggling relationship is to identify anything that you can work on and try to fix it. You are the person you’re going to have the most effect on.
As couples become more stressed, different partners can also become more emotionally abusive. It’s important that you identify whether or not you’re showing signs of being emotionally abusive so that you can start fixing yourself and help your partner heal in the process.
Signs You May Be Acting In an Emotionally Abusive Way
- You React In Certain Ways for Show
Manipulation is a clear sign of being emotionally abusive, and one of the easiest ways to be manipulative is to make sure that you’re being “seen” for how you are responding to things. For example, perhaps you’re not really sad or tired but you want your partner to think they made you sad or tired, so you stay in bed in a sad position until your partner notices.
- You Only Play Your Role If Your Partner Plays There’s
Another sign that you may be using emotional abuse tactics is if you only play your part as a loving partner if your partner is doing what you want. For example, withholding sex until your partner cleans the bedroom would be a form of emotional abuse, as would not kissing your partner or making them feel loved simply because you want them to do more for you first.
- More Lows Than Highs
If you find yourself criticizing more often than you compliment, and justifying your criticisms, you may also be emotionally abusive. Those that fall into that trap want their partner to feel down, so they provide criticisms without helping their partner regain the self-confidence lost as a result of the criticism.
Acknowledging Flaws Helps You Move Past ThemThe more you can work on yourself, the more you can change your relationship. While both partners need to work together towards the same goal, it’s self-reflection that will have the greatest effect on your future together.
For those in Calgary that would like to learn more about this type of couples counseling, please contact Innovative Counselling Solutions today. We’ve worked with many couples that have been struggling with their own behaviors and those of their partner, and we’re confident we can find a way to recover. Read more about the
couple’s counselling process here.